Toxic Love

Broken people have a major problem. They long for a functioning relationship. But if you find a ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ person, you’ll soon reach your limits. Because a ‘normal’ person cannot understand or relate to your own inner abyss. Even the kindest person will eventually reach their limits when in a relationship with a broken person. And the broken person always lives with the pain of either having to hide their abyss or of not being understood. Almost inevitably, this results in a relationship with an expiry date.

However, when you meet someone with their own abyss, something emerges that is infinitely beautiful for us broken people – understanding. It feels as though you can finally be yourself. No more masks. No more lies. But minus times minus only equals plus in maths. Yet the abyss does not disappear. It returns, relentlessly. Suddenly, you find yourself caught in the tension that the only person who understands you is the one who destroys you the most.

With ‘Toxic Love’, I wanted to portray this tension, but I also wanted to show that there isn’t really a way out. Because, of course, you could take a sensible approach and look for a ‘normal’ person to be in a relationship with. Then the cycle of lies and of not being understood repeats itself. By the second relationship of this kind at the latest, you find yourself longing once again for that person who understands you.

The result is a life defined by a longing for genuine closeness and the certainty that you’ll never be able to achieve it. Perhaps I should present a slightly more optimistic perspective here, but I don’t have one at the moment. Maybe I’ll be able to put that right at some point.

The blend of New Wave and synth-pop gives ‘Toxic Love’ almost the feel of a classic love song. But behind the gentle sounds lies the pain of a life spent in eternal longing. Even the typical 80s synth-pop dealt with these contradictions very skilfully, and I’ve drawn inspiration from that. Perhaps I can’t offer a solution with this song, but at least I can offer understanding.