Mother´s Love

If there is one figure of sanctity in our society, it is that of the mother. All good qualities are embodied in the mother: love, protection, security, understanding, and so on.

A mother gave birth to you. She gave you the gift of life (well, you didn’t ask for it, but never mind). Even before a mother has uttered a single word, we must be grateful to her. Mum is the best!

But what if Mum isn’t the best? What if Mum poses a daily threat? What if you’re forced to analyse every glance, every twitch of the corner of her mouth, to anticipate the next attack? What if even a baby must have already learnt to read these cues? Do I still have to love Mum – simply because society expects me to?

Children who grow up with mentally ill mothers experience a double hell. The hell of their own home and the hell of not being able to speak the truth. Because everyone tells you that a mother is a good person. So the problem must surely lie with you. Your own personality is to blame for the fact that your own mother doesn’t love you. The realisation that the mother herself is the problem comes – if at all – only many years later.

But then the nagging question arises. How much of her madness lives on in me? If, as a child, you analysed every glance, every facial expression and every word of hers, you now analyse every glance, every facial expression, every word (especially angry words) of your own. Always in a state of utter panic at recognising a part of one’s own mother. The line ‘cut it out’ is certainly very harsh and, for many, very brutal, but that is exactly how one feels. That part of one’s own mother is to be cut out of oneself. Nothing of that person is to live on within oneself.

‘Mother’s Love’ is perhaps the most unsettling song for outsiders, because it shatters a sanctuary. Nothing remains of a mother’s unconditional love. Perhaps this is the only way to break a taboo. But I seriously doubt it. Even those who knew about my relationship with my mother stooped to uttering daft remarks such as: ‘If you were to see each other again today, I’m sure you’d forgive one another!’ Back then, I remained silent. Today, my answer is: NO!

This time, the sound of the song is far more dramatic, and even without lyrics, it’s clear that there’s something menacing about it. The listener is meant to feel, with all their senses, the pain and grief that the victims have to endure every day.