Family?

There is probably no other institution quite like the family that is romanticised to such an extent. Family means security. A family always sticks together. A family lasts a lifetime. This is probably very often the case. But what if that is precisely not the case?

We live in an age where the interests of minorities are often placed centre stage, but people in toxic families – that’s a taboo subject. It’s something people would rather not talk about. Especially when it comes to families that don’t belong to the lower social classes. OK, if children are obviously being beaten, then of course that’s very distressing, but when the abuse is psychological, there are no visible wounds – and so silence prevails, quite simply.

Society simply expects a family to be ‘good’. If a child stands in the way of this dogma, then there must be something wrong with them. If the child – perhaps only as an adult – nevertheless finds the courage to leave that dogma behind and cut off contact with their parents, they are sanctioned – by society. If you’re asked about your parents and you tell the truth – that you’ve no contact with them – you get strange looks and comments like, ‘But your parents always love you, don’t they?’. I myself have never once heard the comment, ‘Wow, what did your parents do to make you have to take this step?’. The blame must lie with the child. The judgement is instantaneous. So what do you do? You keep quiet. You tell harmless anecdotes. You lie. 

My personal favourite question always comes up at Christmas: ‘Are you spending the holidays with your family?’. My brief, fabricated answer: ‘Yes’. Every time, my heart breaks, because I don’t want to lie, but society leaves me no choice.

That’s why I’ve chosen a classic synth-pop song. A completely superficial sound that just plods along. Gentle and melodious. But behind the façade lies the pain. The pain that must not be spoken of. The pain, the eternal stigma of the victims.