Family matters more

On several occasions, I have had to (or been allowed to?) observe, as an outsider, how families deal with sexual abuse within their own family. It is particularly dramatic when the perpetrator was also a member of the family. These experiences have had a lasting impact on my view of the family.

In TV series or dramatic films, the parents of a victim always react with shock and do everything they can to protect their own child. If the film is particularly poor, the father even takes the law into his own hands to avenge his child. Unfortunately, reality is even worse than the worst film.

I, too, was once naive enough to believe that one would immediately and inevitably take the victim’s side – especially when it’s one’s own child. In truth, however, the first thing people do is analyse the cost of offering help. The idyllic family harmony is thrown into disarray. And even more brutally, there are financial interests at stake. These must also be taken into account, and one’s own child can sometimes take a back seat.

It’s so much easier to convince the child that they’re mistaken (‘The perpetrator didn’t mean it that way! He just wanted a bit of closeness – you’ve got it all wrong!’). When nothing else works, the child is accused of disrupting family harmony. The victim is to blame for the ‘silly’ situation. Anyone who says, ‘That can’t be right…’ – well, that’s exactly how it was!

It’s easy to play at being the ‘holy family’ when everything’s going smoothly. The biggest worry might be that the child has failed their driving test. But actually, a family should really show its true colours when things aren’t going smoothly. When the world might even be teetering on the brink. Unfortunately, I have to say that it’s precisely at such times that the overwhelming majority of families I’ve observed have failed. There wasn’t much harmony left by then.

With ‘Family matters more’, I wanted to portray precisely this discrepancy between social perception and the reality often faced by the victims. Here, too, the central theme continues: the synth-pop sound draws the listener right into the deceptive reality of family life, whilst the lyrics say: ‘This is nothing but a lie!’

But above all, this is a song for the victims. I have seen those who have managed to forge their own path despite everything, but also those who have been broken by it. They have never received any compassion. An apology? Highly unlikely!